Farting French Bulldogs and Rubber Sprinkles

Surreal doesn't even begin to describe my week... and its only wednesday.

above: October Smiles

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First, on Monday I am walking down 3rd ave downtown on my way to my bus (after riding the S.L.U.T downtown... I do that sometimes, ride the slut downtown and then ride the bus back just for people watching, shits and giggles) and I notice some condoms lying around. Not the usual used-crusties, but still in wrapper. Then I see some more a little further down. Eventually I notice that they are sprinkled here-and-there all over the sidewalk for several blocks... many different kinds, flavors, colors, brands, sizes etc. What originally looked like the accidental spillage of prophylactics began appearing intentional. As this is along a stretch of 3rd that is noteworthy for the prostitutes and crack, I wasn't really sure if the condom thing was weird, or brilliant, or a totally random event that just happened to occur in oddly appropriate locale. I will probably never know.

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Below: "Bang!"

Then yesterday I swing by my neighborhood bar for a couple of $1.50 PBRs and sit next to this fairly cute girl who apparently is roommates with one of the lesbian owners (whether this is a reliable indication of sexual preference, I have no idea). She has a dog on her lap wearing a black and orange striped sweater with skull and cross bones on the back. Nobody appears to care, or even notice for that matter. What I did notice though was the pooter toots that this thing was cranking, raking my nostrils with an odor that might fall under the category of death itself. The girls apologized for the dog and explained that she changed his diet, to which I replied "switched to WHAT?!? Maybe you should switch back!". She politely took the dog for a little walk to air him out, but returned with a glass of ice and proceeded to let the still farting dog lick ice cubes off the bar!!! Holy fuck...

So (finally?) this morning I had this weird nightmare, the kind that starts off with basic innocent random adventures that make no sense, like riding on a city bus driving backwards... through a swamp. Then things got kinda creepy and a friend of mine had my two year old daughter pinned on a stump under his foot, about to crush her when my fifth grade teacher shows up to save her, only to to begin chasing me, which somehow turned into a deer that was chasing me. All I wanted was to get back to my daughter, and I couldn't find her. Then I find myself climbing into a tower made of sticks and grass and drop to the bottom where it resembles the alley behind my apartment, and I begin digging in dumpsters... looking for my daughter. It was really stressing me out, but somehow I snapped out of it and I suddenly sat up in my bed, and everything was fine. My daughter was alive, well and happy. I call an old friend and she told me to relax because things were fine, and asked if I wanted to get some beers later with my old pals from college. Then I realize that work is going awesome, and I was totally stoked to get going and start my 15 minute walk to work. I felt so good, the relief that everything was good made me happy. Then I woke up, because apparently, that was a dream too.

Today's Random Google Query: soon state quite
SAYER TO QUIT OFFICE.; State Industrial Commissioner Announces He ...
Maybe the ;State; will soon decide when/how you will die. - Honda ...
;It's Always Too Soon to Quit; - TIME